So, I’ve been thinking about downsizing my car situation. I have a 400+hp car in next to mint shape that I barely drive. My car is big, wide, and thirsty, which makes it a bit of a pain in the city. And with DDOT’s new Vision Zero gestapo threatening $1000 speeding tickets if I ever decide to stretch the old girl’s legs, maybe it’s time to get that 2003 Subaru with the Kayak on top I’ve always dreamed of. That traditionally leaves me with two options.

1. Selling my car to a dealer at an insulting price that leaves me angry and ashamed.

2. Entertaining tire kicking numbskulls on the weekend that want to do donuts in the parking lot but haven’t even pulled their FICO score, much less been cut a check from a credit union. Until one fine Saturday, some cash rich out of towner with cool hair and a mustache senses my desperation and gives me a number barely above my dealer trade in price. I capitulate to the strength of his hair and sell, having now wasted months of my time for an extra $200.

But wait! There’s a third way! The Internet of Things! With machines and algorithms doing the negotiating and legwork for me, of course I’ll be able to sell my car at a fair price without having to do any of the hard legwork. What a perfect business opportunity the IOT has solved!

Rubbed my hands together and checked out tech options linked from Fast Company to sell my car. So far:

Shift: $4k less than dealer offer
Beepi: Car is too old
Carvana: $7k below dealer offer
Vroom: $4,500 below dealer offer

Synopsis: this is a huge opportunity for the right player. My guess is that the algorithms are probably much better for newer cars, but there’s a huge marketplace of older and specialty cars wherein there’s still a pretty good margin but that provide better value to buyer and seller. As a potential seller, there’s zero incentive for me to pay less than the Carmax price, which we can establish is the baseline (easily accessible, ubiquitous, instantaneous, etc) trade-in. Selling the car myself would be add another $3k or so to my bottom line. So in Internet of Everything world, there’s still a big play here. Because the differential between highest trade-in and individual sale (The aforementioned $3k) is where the margin actually is. That’s the risk play. Yes, I could get the entire $3k on weekend 1 of craigslist perusers coming to my house. Or, I could end up four months from now, watching Mullet-Man chirping the tires sideways out of my driveway, having given up countless family time and playoff football. Would I split the difference not to have to find out? F*** yeah. So get to work, techies. And yeah, about that Subaru. I was kidding. I drove one of these todays and Gott in Himmel, I’ve never been so scared in a sedan. Daddy want. #MoPAR